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She dates once a month and only dates friends of friends. Now that they’re older, they’re past that point, she says. “I don’t regret one minute that I’ve spent with my kids,” she says, “but I’ve regretted a lot of the dates I’ve been on.” If Rachael Huang of Oakland, Calif., posted a dating profile, it’d read something like this: blonde, cherubic 38-year-old music lover seeks like-minded guy for fun and swing dancing.

Bottom line: don’t bring a new romantic partner into a child’s life too quickly, only to be taken away.

“There’s a perception that single mom equals looking for a new husband. I don’t try to find someone for my kids because my kids have me.” Liz Martin of Dublin, Calif., has done it all—from set ups to Match.com, which is 40 percent single parents. She talks about her son on the first date, saying he’s “part of the package.” Perhaps for that reason, a recent date assumed he’d get to meet her son early on. “Until I’m in some kind of committed relationship with a future, I wouldn’t introduce him to anyone,” Martin says.

She struggles with trust, as it relates to a new beau.

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